http://bible.com/111/1co.15.55.NIV
Getting Away Together
What wonderful weekend! Finally getting away together ….
In the past 20 years since having children we have not had time by ourselves more than one night, more than 20 miles from home. We didn’t need anything super fancy or very luxurious. We just needed time by ourselves to reconnect. Lisa and I were finally able to spend a quiet weekend by ourselves, reconnecting.
Why is getting away together so important for married couples?
Relaxation
We all need time to recover from the stress this life puts on us. A quiet weekend away from home and responsibilities does wonders to remove that constant feeling of being under pressure. No more constant feeling of I have to be working on this or fixing that.
For days we could talk, relax or just sit quietly without the need to look at our watch, answer the phone or take care of some responsibility. We have a priority to make a date at least once a week. But that is not the same as have a few days in a row where we didn’t have something else scheduled that day. The short weekly time alone is important as well but it does not lesson the stress that life brings nearly as much as having whole days with nothing to-do!
Bonding
Our relationships, especially the marriage relationship, is strengthened with common experiences. Spending time, just the two of us, is priceless. You know those couples that can complete each other sentences or know what the other is thinking without a word being said. That kind of connection is forged by those one on one bonding moments.
Our weekend was purposely vacant of scheduled activities. It was mostly a “fly by the seat of our pants” type of trip.
- We went to the Oceanic for lunch, just because I’ve never been there before.
- We went shopping, because we wanted get something memorable (and to stock the room with junk food).
- We had to stop at Krispy Kreme — the HOT NOW light was on.
- We slept when we were sleepy.
- We ate Munchies when we were hungry. Yes, I ate the Fat Hog.
- We took a walk on the beach, just because it seemed like a fun thing to do at the time.
- We saw London Has Fallen, because we wanted to see it.
None of these activities were scheduled, except for the movie time. This took all the pressure off of us. It was the most relaxing and wonderful time we’ve had in decades. Several times since returning home we mentioned that we wish we were back.
Getting Away Together Again
We are definitely doing this again. But we are not going to wait 20 years to schedule the next get away. We committed to doing this at least once, twice or maybe four times a year.
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25 years ago, today …
I made a decision that would change my life in ways I could never have dreamed. Really the decision was already made. This date was well planned. I was participating in the ceremony that would make this decision a public promise with friends, family, God and most importantly to my new wife. Lisa and I were finally married.
March 16th, 1991 was written on invitations weeks ago. But the heart felt commitment between Lisa and I had been there for years. We started dating in the fall of 1987. By winter we were in the “I LOVE YOU” stage and by the following year we were already talking marriage. Not long after we started dating we just knew we would always be together. It was like we had always been together.
There is something special about Lisa, that to this day, I still can’t quite put my finger on. It is like she has always been the love of my life even before we met. It just took meeting her and several dates for me to discover this. We share a special bond that no one else shares. Even most couples I see don’t seem to have that something special we have. I guess one reason that special quality is so hard to describe is because it is nothing specific about either one of us. I truly believe it is our destine, chosen by God. Everyday we are together is us honoring God’s plan for our lives.
Every day I get to spend with Lisa is a true blessing. When we’re apart (even different aisles of Walmart) I yearn to be close to her again. Over the past couple decades we have rarely been apart for longer than several hours. When we have, it feels tragic. When we get to spend days at a time never leaving each other’s presence, it is like a small taste of heaven. We have that non-vocal communication, that secret language only we share. We can spend hours together, never saying a word but having filled volumes in our hearts.
It is sad to say when we often hear from others we know that they “need a break” from their spouse. Spending long periods of time with their lifelong partner seems like an ironic chore. When Lisa and I are together, the unpleasant burdens of the day are suddenly lightened. The stresses of life are calmed. A euphoric sense of security enwraps us both like a warm blanket.
The 25 years we’ve been together may seem to some like a long time. But too me it seems too short. This milestone comes with a realization that we are probably halfway there. Seldom do people live much past their golden wedding anniversary. It brings me to tears thinking that may be all we have left, if God continues to provide us with life and health.
Let’s make the most of it! We have a lot of experience behind us. Some of it was tragic; some of it was joyous; but all of it was a blessing. I pray the next 25 years will be an even greater blessing as we watch or children grow and experience their own lives. We have so many plans for us and our children; I’m sure we’ll never finish them all. But I’m sure we’ll enjoy trying.
Lisa, I love you more today than I ever thought possible. I get tears in my eyes just watching you do the simple things — cleaning the house, packing Emma’s lunch; just preparing us for the day ahead. You are the love of my life, my best friend and my constant companion as we travel through this life God has given. I pray for you everyday and I pray we get to experience at least another 25 years together before either of us are called home for eternity.
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Trying to blog again ….
Several years ago I started a few blogs then did nothing with them.
I had motivation when I started them. At the time, I had just been laid off from my previous employer and was looking for a way to keep positive. I took enough time to write one post each about what is important in my life, about job searching and my technical passion — fighting malware.
Unfortunately, I allowed the pressures of finding a job to consume more time than it probably should have. I could have carved out enough time to write a little something daily, but didn’t. Writing has never been my thing, so it wasn’t a difficult decision to not do it. However, I’ve learned the value of writing; more about that later.
With new-found motivation, I plan to write a little each day. Maybe only a few words. Maybe a few pages. But always something. This doesn’t always mean a post every day. I can choose to let something simmer for a while in draft before posting it. Actually, that is probably a good idea. Not being an English major, I find stepping away from I stream of consciousness and revisiting days later creates one of those “what was I thinking moments.”
This is my (new) start for now.
Hope to be posting more soon.
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Viruses, and Trojans, and Worms! Oh, My!
In the The Wizard of Oz (1939) Dorothy had the wisdom to see danger on the road ahead:
Dorothy: Do you suppose we’ll meet any wild animals?
Tin Woodsman: Mm, we might.
Scarecrow: Animals that eat… s-traw?
Tin Woodsman: Some, but mostly lions, and tigers, and bears.
Dorothy: Lions?
Scarecrow: And tigers?
Tin Woodsman: And bears.
Dorothy: Lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh, my!
Just like Dorothy was concerned about what she might meet on the yellow brick road, we should be concerned enough to understand what might bite us on the information superhighway. Unfortunately a lot of people I meet traveling this virtual road either have misguided beliefs or are very ignorant of the pitfalls that await them as they use information technology everyday. Overly fearful or blissfully ignorant behavior to information technology can limit its benefits or endanger you and those you know.
Yes, there are real viruses, Trojans, worms and many other forms of malicious software (malware) “out there” ready to attack you at any moment. (If you have no clue what I am talking about. I’ll explain them and many more in later posts.) But I don’t want you to be afraid. You can easily do many things to help protect not only your computer and mobile devices but yourself in general from being prey to these evils. I pray this blog will benefit many with simple to understand information to reasonably protect you and your loved ones from the pitfalls of using information technology (IT).
What is Personal Information Technology Security?
Everyone I know uses some form of IT. We commonly think of computers and the Internet. We include smartphones with web access. But we must include any technical device that is capable of sharing information. Often this is through a network like the Internet. But this can include such simple devices as a plain old telephone service. Just like our homes, we can not make the information technology we use 100% secure. However there are reasonable steps we can take to drastically reduce the likelihood of a malicious attack (like locking our doors).
I don’t intend this blog to help with corporate or enterprise levels of IT. They have whole departments with very intelligent and dedicated staff to take care of their IT devices. Also their environment is different in a lot of ways from what you use personally. Since you don’t have a team of hired professionals watching out for your security, I’m here to help.
What I describe in this blog comes from my own experience of over 25 years in using and supporting IT devices for corporations, small businesses, individuals and myself. I want to educate you from that experience so you can apply it as best you see fit in your circumstances.
Most of the experiences I will share here will be related to protecting your home and small business computer(s) with some form of a connection to the Internet. I will also share some advice on securing your mobile devices like cell phones and personal digital assistants (PDAs). Occasionally, I help with other forms of attack that are sometimes purely social and don’t involve anything more complicated on your end than just answering your home phone.
I’ll do my best to keep the blog posts general enough so they can be applied in a variety of situations. For those wanting the more technical details related to particular incidents, I will link to a variety of news and technical sources as reference.
First Pitfall to Avoid — Social Engineered Attacks
I chose this pitfall to describe first because it can be applied across the most forms of interaction; even beyond IT. Also I was able to leap over this pitfall just this past Tuesday (June, 22nd) when I was personally attacked.
My personal attack involved a well know scam using collect calls from prison. Social engineering is all about using you to open the door. This could be the physical door to your home, a method to gain access to your computer or in this case, long distant calls made on your phone.
Social engineering comes in a wide variety of forms. They all contain two elements: gaining your trust in order for you to share information. In my case they wanted to tug at my heart strings to make me believe I had a friend in prison and needed my help. Other forms use information they obtained elsewhere to make you believe they have the right to additional information.
One very popular form of social engineer is phishing (yes, with “ph” and not “f”). It is like fishing as the phisher sends out a lot of bait and hopefully will get a few bites. If you have ever received an email asking to verify information from a trusted source, such as a bank or other online service, then you were being phished. I HOPE YOU DIDN’T CLICK THE LINK IN THE EMAIL!!! If you did, contact me right away and I’ll help you straighten out the potential mess.
So how do you avoid social engineered attacks. First, develop a radar for these things. Study examples of many of these attacks (I’ve only given you a couple examples from the hundreds that are out there). Then trust your instincts. Most often these attacks come unsolicited. If you receive a phone call, an email or knock at the door that you were not expecting, be extra cautious. Sometimes even trusted friends are unaware they are used as part of the attack. I will give more details on this when I discuss how social engineering is combined with malware to infect your computer through instant messages and emails.
Please be aware that malicious attacks are occurring everyday to gain information about you for someone else’s benefit. Be cautious, but don’t run and hide. I little awareness goes a long way to protecting yourself.
Please post a comment below and let me know what you think of this blog. Much of the content will be driven by your comments as I want this to be a help to you. Let me know what you liked and, just as important, what you didn’t like.
Until next time, keep looking out for those PITS!
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Relationships replace job search sites
What is the most effective way to search for your new job? Two elements are key to a successful job search. A strong resolution and relationships replace job search sites.
Resolution
There are several methods out there to find the right jobs. Some will tell you to canvas like crazy, using the odds to your favor. Others will be much more selective and target a handful of companies. Then have you wait for an opportunity to open up or even use certain methods to “make” opportunities. Regardless of the method used to place the application and resume into the hands of the hiring manager, much effort needs to be spent on organizing and planning the search for the best outcome.
My project management experience tells me to manage this as I would any other project. Deadline must be set. Tasks with dependencies need to be defined. Target dates set for each milestone. Resources analyzed to assess areas in risk. Mitigation plans put in place. Metrics defined and implemented to ensure progress is made and milestones are met. As needed I will adjust any and all of these to adapt to changing requirements and any potential goals not defined up front.
By setting daily objectives that align with this project’s tasks, I can persistently follow the job search methods I choose. This will help to keep me on track and not wonder aimlessly around all the possible ways of finding jobs. I’ll be able to measure methods that are being more effective than others. Then, I can optimize my plan to get the best results
Networking
It is not so much what you know but who you know. Time and time, again I have seen by example and heard from many successful job seekers that knowing somebody that knows somebody is what at least got their foot in the door. Of course you will need to have the qualifying skills, but so do many others that are seeking after the same jobs. Personal testimonials from trusted individuals go a long way to getting that initial interview and can help persuade hiring managers to lean to one applicant over another.
Over the past 20+ years I have collected over 1000 contacts and growing. Some come from high school and college classmates. Many are from work associates that I developed a relationship with during certain job assignments. Family, church and social group members round out most of the other contacts I know. These contacts are accessible via regular mail, email, phone and most recently via online social networks of LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter.
Renewing and strengthening existing relationships as well as making new ones will benefit everyone. Part of building relationships is giving more than receiving. By having strong relationships I will gain thousands of sets of eyes. Each set looking out for that next best career opportunity. If only a small percentage send me just one lead a day then dozens of potential opportunities will be discovered that I likely would have never seen.
Also, many of these leads will come from unpublished sources. In 48 Days to the Work You Love, Dan Miller states that only 12% of positions are posted in the paper. Knowing somebody that knows somebody that has an opportunity is invaluable. I expect my plan to contain much time dedicated to strengthening relationships that have had little time invested in them recently. Additional time will likely be dedicated to building many new worthwhile relationships as well. For more on the value of relationships check out my personal blog about my life.
As I quoted in my “farewell to Nortel” email, Charles “Tremendous” Jones said “You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” I have met a lot of people and read a lot of books. I plan to meet more people and in addition to studying Dan Miller’s book there are many other books I plan to dedicate to reading over the coming weeks. Next on my list will likely be The Quick 30/30 Job Solution: Smart Job Search Tips for Surviving Today’s New Economy by Neil P. Mcnulty & Ronald L. Krannich, Ph.D.
Stay tuned for many other reading suggestions and to see how my job search project progresses.
Thank you for following and for emailing any leads you may have!
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Life changing career move
Life has changed me
For over half of my life (since I was 20) I have worked for Nortel. Even though the jobs changed fairly often, the environment stayed very familiar. Now I am being thrust out of the nest. Nortel is closing their doors and as of June 18th, I am unemployed. I’m being forced into my first life changing career move.
For the first time since college I am job searching in the open market. This is going to be a very new experience for me in an unfamiliar environment. More now than ever before I must focus on what’s most import, my closest relationships. I have learned that the most important thing we have in this life is our relationships to family, friends, work associates and anyone else that we cross paths with each day.
Over and over the Bible teaches and life experience reaffirms The Greatest Commandment (Mark 12:28-31):
28One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”
29“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
Notice that both the first and second most important commandments for our lives is to love someone other than ourselves — first God, then other people.
Each of us and everything else in this world will eventually pass away. All that will be left behind is a legacy built on the foundation of our relationships. Therefore every decision should be made with the goal in mind of building lasting and loving relationships, first to God and to neighbors next.
From the Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37) we see that a neighbor is anyone with whom we cross paths: family, close friends, church members, social groups, work associates, classmates, the passerby on the street and the list goes on and on. If we focus on anything, no matter how noble, and sacrifice our relationship to others, we will be working in vain.
Much of my life has been focused on providing for my family. So much so that I have often burned the candle at both ends. I tell myself and others that I am doing my best to keep a work/life balance. Often times making others feel guilty or even feel punished for interrupting work related tasks. For this, I am sorry.
C. H. Spurgeon said, “Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you. So carve your name on hearts and not on marble.” I kept saying “This work must be done, done quickly and done well because otherwise I might get ranked a little lower on the totem pole and therefore could be next on the chopping block. If I risk loosing my job, how well is that providing for my family. I show you that I love you by keeping my job and providing for you.” Those consistent high ratings I received in reviews over the years didn’t mean anything on June 18th.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not bitter. But I do realize there are risks in this world. Circumstances are beyond our control. Business needs change. No matter how well we try to prepare and no matter how many hours we dedicate to trying to prevent unfortunate things from happening, they still will. Sometimes we wish for it; sometimes we are encouraged and other times we are just outright forced into a life changing career move. Our close relationships carry us through these life changes.
I am so very fortunate to have a wonderful family that loves me, even with all of my shortcomings and lack of attention spent on building our relationships. I also have good friends that I know will always be there for me when I need them. And most importantly, I have a God and Saviour that will never forsake me. So I am truly blessed, but will no longer take them for granted.
I am sure that I will make mistakes. I am sure I will not always remember to keep my number one goal in life to build loving relationships. I am sure that even with best intentions I will make bad decisions in situations that could have been handled better. But the goal that I will always strive for will be to build loving relationships.
So what about this life changing career move have to do with creating this blog?
Stephen Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People describes the P/PC balance. “P” is production and “PC” is Production Capability. It is the classic Aesop fable of The Goose That Laid the Golden Eggs. By focusing too much on production (providing for my family) I have lost sight of what gives me that production capability, most importantly a foundation of strong loving relationship. I have been slowly killing the goose to get more eggs.
Additionally there are other important areas of my life I have sacrificed as well. Dan Miller describes “7 Areas for Achievement” in his book 48 Days to the Work You Love. These seven areas are financial, physical, personal development, family, spiritual, social and career. Notice the last four are all directly impacted by relationships. The other three are indirectly impacted.
The purpose of this blog will be to chronicle my growth in these areas. I will write more about my life changing career move later. I will discuss my career dream of being in a business that educates and helps people with information technology. The next job I find hopefully will be in that career path or it might be something else I enjoy that gives me the resources I need to further improve my other areas. That career dream may turn in to a full time job or may continue to be a part time ministry. God only knows and I am willing to follow where He leads me.
I look forward to this journey. I hope my neighbors will join me on my life changing career move.
